Definitions of Self

Due to a number of focused thoughts, movies, and magazine articles I’ve encountered recently, I began thinking about how we define ourselves as individuals. What makes us who we are? There are so many labels we can attach to ourselves, but the labels are always insufficient. In the end, what is it that captures the essence of each unique and irreplaceable identity that comprises humanity? Of course the answer, if there is one, is complex and not easy to find.

I’ve encountered this question before, most recently in having to write an “About the Author” piece for a book I have in the works. It’s not easy to talk or write about yourself without sounding pompous or boring. I mean, you can’t just write an “I was born on such and so, and I did this, and this, and this.” Come on! Who wants to read that drivel? Not me, I can tell you—and yet I had to come up with something that covered the ground without putting the reader to sleep or making me sound like a conceited ass.

Part of all this includes how we THINK about ourselves. For instance, I’m a wife; I am not a mother (of human kids anyway); I have a job; I have a dog and a horse; I have a car unique to me (yes, it’s customized); I grew up in a specific area of the country with a unique familial upbringing. All of those things would tell you a great deal about me—but that’s not who I am. I am not the political party I “belong” to (not at all!); I’m not the high school I graduated from, or the college(s) I attended. See what I mean? This is not easy to pin down!

After considering all the above-mentioned stuff about me, it occurred to me that perhaps the closest thing to what I would call “Me” is my mind and what goes on there: the thoughts, dreams, and aspirations that take up residence or just fly through, maybe taking me on to other thoughts, dreams, and aspirations. Am I the sum total of all the thoughts I’ve had in my lifetime, or am I what is there right now? Some of what was “there” in times past has since been rejected and replaced by other notions that I find more “at home” in my present circumstance. I’ve “changed my mind,” so to speak. Mind boggling, is it not?

Well, in the end, I had to finally compromise: I AM those labels I might pin on myself, but in addition, my mental and emotional world has to be given its own justifiable space too. I am a wife, employee, dog and horse mommy, writer—you name it. I am also the jumble of thoughts dealing with what I read in Scientific American this morning, Vogue Knitting the other day on my break at work, and Practical Horseman magazine that I digested last week. I am still pondering the movie Michael Clayton that I watched yesterday, as well as a movie trailer I saw two nights ago on Repo Men (Jude Law and Forest Whitaker). Are you getting dizzy yet? I sure am!