A friend of mine just wrote a blog piece entitled “Confessions of a Hodad,” about his love of (and simultaneous fear of) surfing. As a life-long equestrian, I can relate. I don’t think it’s a stretch to think every one of us has something he’d love to do more than anything . . . except there’s this fear thing that gets in the way and keeps us from enjoying it.
I used to be the stereotypical equestrian junkie who lived and breathed horses, and I can honestly confess that for a large chunk of my life nothing was more important than my relationship to them. There was scarcely a moment of any day in that period of time when I wasn’t thinking about them in one way or another. The only things I read were horse-related: books on training, books on how to ride better, books on grooming, feeding, and showing. I probably own a better equestrian library than either the Seattle or King County Public Libraries—though I have backed off buying so many books the past few years. Then there were the magazines—and I subscribed to them all: Practical Horseman, Equus, Dressage Today, Chronicle of the Horse, USDF Connection, Horse and Rider, Trail Riding, Arabian Horse Journal, Flying changes. Did I read them? Cover to cover! Through the years I’ve belonged to Equestrians Institute (a United States Dressage Federation Group Member Organization), the Northwest Andalusian Association, and the US Combined Training Association. For years I took lessons twice a week with my instructor Karin Bishop at Cedar Downs, and THEN I took care of and rode my own horses (at one point we had eight of them, counting the stallion, foals, and my leased gelding who stayed with me that summer). And equipment? You name it; I’ve got it, including three saddles. Two years ago I cleaned out my tack room and donated $1500 worth of stuff to a local equine rescue. And then I had a full-time job in addition to all that.
I mention the above, because, like my friend, nothing engages my attention more than the one subject I adore. I think I was seven when I fell head-over-heels in love with horses, and I’ve been hooked ever since. If I’m at a party or just chatting with someone at work, and I’m carrying on an animated conversation complete with gestures, you can bet I’m talking about horses in one way or another. I don’t watch all the movies about horses and riding, however. Some of them are really excellent, though most are sappy, sentimental tripe good for nothing but entertaining small children for an hour or two or a good cry. You would also be hard put to find any horse-related decorating in my home—I draw the line at having horses cavorting on the wall paper, horse covered bedspreads, towels, trivets, wall hangings, or anything else. I have a few horse figurines, but they are in their boxes put away, thank you! I do have a wolf wall clock though.
The thing is, I haven’t ridden in some time now. Part of it is that it’s been winter, and I don’t ride in the winter. It’s cold and nasty, and the stable where I keep my horses has mud everywhere—and not just “mud” but a knee-deep sea of it inside the paddock gate where my horses spend their daytime hours. It will suck your rubber boots right off! Plus there’s the fact that I have arthritis in my knees and a total knee replacement. Last year I twisted my “good” knee trying to fetch them, and my orthopedic Dr. told me point blank that I was not to slog through the mud again to get my horses, period.
So, with no winter riding neither my horses nor I am fit enough to ride, and I need to get on with my annual tune-up. That means daily work-outs for me for at least two weeks and working the horses on the lunge line for at least a week and preferably the same two weeks I’m going to need before tacking up and climbing on. In addition, they will need to have their teeth and hooves done before I start. $$$! In the meantime, I can work on getting them cleaned up and shed out so they don’t look like pasture rats or teddy bears on stilts.
So where does the fear come in? Have you ever fallen off a horse? I have, lots of times, but it seems to upset me more now that I’m older and have arthritis, especially since I got the knee replacement. I’m not as spry as I used to be (I don’t bounce as well), nor as gung-ho. To be fair to my friend the surfer wannabe, I’ve never really had a life-threatening experience with my horses—I guess. Maybe I’m not smart enough to know it was life-threatening! At least with horses, you have the illusion of being in control. Unlike him, however, I’m not content to sit on the sidelines and watch someone else having all the fun and enjoying all the thrills. I don’t jump or show my horses, but I DO love a good gallop on the trail, and all it takes to work up my courage is going out there every day and doing what needs done. Before you know it, I’ll be back on board doing the sitting trot, shoulder-in, and riding the trails. In my experience, there is no substitute for action and persistence, and the best way to overcome fear is to put on your big-girl panties and just do it.
